Hello Darkness My Old Friend - Interview "Anxiety" and How To Deal With It

...do not fear nervousness. Nervousness isn't something you need to fight or pummel into submission. It is there because you care about something, and caring about something is never wrong. Invite it in, like you would a dear friend, and let it stay as long as it needs to, even throughout the whole interview if it so wishes. When you accept that it's not going away completely, that's when you start learning how to excel while coping with it.

The Short Of It

• Do not adopt avoidance strategies

• Instead, use emotional coping and problem-oriented coping mechanisms

• Consider the self-talk approach inviting nervousness and anxiety in as friends

• When using emotional coping strategies, find the right person to talk to, and do your own pre-homework.

• If you are asked to help someone with their nervousness prior to their interview, be patient, listen, and don't be too quick to dismiss, belittle or jump to a solution

• Our previous post on "How To Interview Like A Pro" contains suggestions on how to adopt a problem-oriented approach

• A study a few years back have shown that women cope better with anxiety. Does it matter? Depends on what you do with this information.

• Think about how you can put the INTERVIEWERS themselves at ease. This might help to alleviate some of your own nerves.

• Join The Second Class Collective interview workshop on 20 July 2022 for more stories and advice on how to deal with interview nerves. Button to join at the bottom.

The Long Of It

How many times have you felt cold sweat run down the back of your spine, your hair standing on its ends like little soldiers, and your throat as parched as the sand dunes of Port Stephens, right before having to do something that you are deathly afraid of, like public speaking, or going for an interview?

Let us start by saying something you have no doubt heard a million times. That it is completely natural to feel nervous in anticipation of being in a situation you are unfamiliar with.

Let us then add to that by saying, we understand how completely useless it is to be reminded of that, without being given any other more specific and tangible advice on how to cope with it.

In this blog post, we won’t try to pontificate (too much) on where anxiety comes from, or what it is scientifically. We know it’s there. So, let’s talk about how to manage it instead.

Firstly, we need to make clear that when we say ‘anxiety’, we do no mean anxiety disorders (such as generalised anxiety disorders, panic disorders, social anxiety disorders, or phobias) or clinical anxiety, as defined by Johns Hopkins as an “emotional and physical response to a real or perceived danger that is not only highly distressing, but can also lead to avoidance behaviours that impair functioning.”

Instead, we use the word ‘anxiety’ like how most common people will, interchangeably with nervousness and worry.

Some have tried to distinguish them by using the terms “state anxiety” and “trait anxiety”, although the jury’s still out on whether there is a clear distinction between the two.

• State anxiety A natural temporary human reaction to an adverse event expected to cease once the event is over.

• Trait anxiety A more constant, stable state of anxiety that is part of your personality and not just during stressful situation

The treatment for clinical anxiety goes far exceeds the scope of what’s possible for an internet blog post. If you think you suffer from clinical anxiety, we would recommend seeing your General Practitioner immediately, or reach out to an organisation like Beyond Blue (<www.beyondblue.org.au>) who will be able to help you.

Now with that out of the way.

What To Avoid When Dealing with Anxiety

The one thing that you should absolutely avoid when trying to cope with anxiety is to avoid dealing with it, so called the Avoidance Coping Mechanism. This can be defined as involving cognitive and behavioural efforts oriented towards denying, minimising or otherwise dealing directly with stressful demands.

In simple terms, this means instead of practicing your speech in front of the mirror, you power up the PlayStation 5 to play Super Mario, for the fifth time today. Or, instead of having a discussion with your partner about the stressful event and potential solutions, you decide that the next few hours of sunshine mean it is critical to get the laundry done and hung on the clothes rack.

What You Can Do To Deal with Anxiety

In Associate Professor Nicholas Roulin’s book “The Psychology of Job Interviews”, he suggested two alternatives to the avoidance-oriented technique; the “emotional coping technique” where you talk and share with your family and friends as you regulate your emotional reaction towards the stressful event, and the “problem-oriented coping technique”, a task-based strategy where you have a plan of action and execute on it, for example, through breathing techniques, exercise, or rehearse interview questions.

Emotional Coping Technique

Those hoping to adopt this technique would usually seek social support, or may recall supportive words of others during the interview. This method is usually effective as it provides a mechanism to reduce the amount of anxiety before and during the interview.

A few key points to note if you intend to manage anxiety using this method.

• Find the right person to talk to This is crucial as the person you speak to needs to have an adequate amount of emotional intelligence, the right balance of positivity and concern for you, doesn’t judge, and actually has the capacity (time, energy) to be able to actively listen to you. This could be a supportive partner, a family member or close friend, a mentor at work or a coach. If you are unfortunate enough to talk to someone who is, to put it bluntly, dealing with their own BS, then you run the risk of making it worse for yourself. If you have looked around and can’t find anyone that you think can help, drop us at The Second-Class Collective a message and we’ll see what we can do for you.

• Reflect deeply on the stressors before you reach out Some fundamental understanding of why you are stressed would be useful before you have a conversation with your friend. What is it that worries you? Is it the lack of time to prepare, the unfamiliarity with the company/industry, or maybe you have heard nightmare stories about the interviewer? Is it a lack of self-confidence? Can you frame the problems in a concise, factual manner? Writing it down will help. Some of these questions may well be better explored with another person but it does no harm to self-reflect prior to that as it will also allow your friend to better understand the core of the problem.

Bonus tips for those who are on the receiving end and is asked to help

• Listen. Really, really listen. Ask questions to help progress the exploration, and don’t be so quick to rush to suggesting solutions.

• Provide validation and express concern. Don’t belittle their anxiousness or dismiss their experience. Instead, ask how you can help.

• Don’t force a confrontation or a conclusion. You may think you know what the answers are and feel frustrated that they can’t see it, but they might need some time to get there on their own. Just stay next to them on their journey.

Problem-Oriented Coping Technique

This technique may include studying interview tips, or by taking practice tests or interview simulations.

If you are struggling to find a structure or to get started on preparing for your interview, we would suggest reading through our previous post on How to Prepare for Interview Like a Pro

<https://www.secondclasscollective.com/post/howtoprepareforaninterviewlikeapro>

In our experience, a combination of both the above methods will probably work best.

If you still feel a heightened level of nerves, experts recommend some form of breathing exercise or meditation. If either one seems a little too hard to achieve in a compressed amount of time, try self-talking. We all know the destructive impact of negative self-talk, but seldom have we tried it’s opposite – positive self-talk.

Ajahn Brahm, an Australian Buddhist monk in his book “Opening the Door of Your Heart” says the following on pain. The way he sees it, when one is saddled with misery from pain, there is usually the pain itself, and the fear of pain. He wrote of a disciple who was in great pain, but instead of trying to fight the pain, he said to it, “Pain, the door to my heart is open to you, whatever you do to me. Come in.”

While we don’t suggest you live with physical pain when we live in the world of paracetamol, we don’t see the harm in applying his teaching to managing nervousness.

Case in point, almost a year ago, we were asked to host a private event. We had all the speeches ready, jokes printed and well-rehearsed. And yet, the morning of the event, you could see our hands trembling. Remembering Ajahn Brahm’s teaching, we tried to look at our nerves as separate from us. It isn’t there to harm us. We allowed it to settle in and stay as long as they want. We “told” the nerves that you can be there, if you want, with us on the stage, but regardless, we were still going ahead and it cannot stop us.

Our point is, do not fear nervousness. It isn't something you need to fight or pummel into submission. It is there because you care about something, and caring about something is never wrong. Invite it in, like you would a dear friend, and let it stay as long as it needs to, even throughout the whole interview if it so wishes. When you accept that it's not going away completely, that's when you start learning how to excel while coping with it.

Men vs Women

A study have shown that while women reported higher level of anxiety prior to interviews than men, they were shown to be better at coping with said anxiety. Whether it is due to biological traits or gender norms, the researchers believes that women tend to develop better coping mechanism i.e. better versed in using emotional-coping or problem-oriented-coping strategies. In fact, even though women might feel they are more anxious, interviewers have reportedly stated after the interview that they did not sense any difference in the level of anxiety between women and men.

Obviously, this is not a given for every single man and woman, but now armed with this information, we'll leave it to you to decide if this is relevant in your personal situation and what you will do about it.

Wont Someone Think of the Interviewers?!

It is not only applicants who find the interviewing process difficult. Interviewers have shared that they sometimes get tensed too before an interview. They often have multiple hats to wear, from asking questions, to writing notes, to assessing your verbal and non-verbal responses, to ensuring they also put the company in a good light and not misrepresent the role. It may sound strange, but if you keep this in mind, and spend some time and energy focusing on how you can put THEM at ease, it might actually help you fight your own nerves. When you are focused on others, you might be distracted from focusing on your own anxiety.

Parting Words

With the job market so heated up, hiring managers are inundated with hundreds of applications. A study done by inc.com claims that only 4% to 6% of applications progresses into an interview. If you have already secured an interview, that means that the prospective employer already believes you have what it takes to do the job! So use this to keep confident.

Good luck and class dismissed.

ANNOUNCEMENT: The Second Class Collective is holding an online interview preparation workshop on 20 July 2022. RSVP to join the workshop by clicking the button below.

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